By the powers vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife! What God has put together let no man put asunder.
The bride and groom will be laughing happily and casting suspicious glances around. Is the power to put asunder to the marriage in the hands of those that came to celebrate with you or in your own hands? Before I got married, one of the advice I was given is that marriage is like a frozen forest. There are all kinds of wild animals and horrific creatures in there but they only come after you if you go and awaken them with your actions.
In my few years of marriage I have come to realize that marriage is a very delicate situation which should be handled with utmost care. I have heard stories upon stories about indescribable things that happen after the beautiful and buoyant ceremony we all can’t wait to experience and just before I put this piece together I stumbled upon an old friend who happens to be going through such in her own supposed to be bliss.
I am no expert in this institution and we won’t even delve into how to choose the right person and red flags to look out for and all since that is a topic for another day. For now let’s assume you have been pronounced husband and wife and no one is to put asunder. Let’s look at some of the basic things you as a partner in the marriage can do to put asunder to your own marriage.
Ignoring the little things -when you eliminate the three magic phrases; Thank you; Please ; Am sorry. Sometimes we take things for granted and assume that when our partner does something they are playing their role anyway so there’s no need for appreciation. And really, this person is so in your space and can annoy you so much. But we have to be very intentional. Courtesy in marriage is a must. Just live daily! Forget what they did or didn’t do yesterday and renew your love and admiration for your partner each morning just like the steadfast love of God is renewed every morning. Sounds doable right?
Song of Songs 2 :15
“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom”.
Keeping toxic relationships – One of the issues which seem to be common amongst marriages which were not able to stand has been unfaithfulness. Some deliberately cheated and others were accused. Beware of exes and co-workers.
“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them”.
Disregarding the needs of your partner – physical, emotional, financial, spiritual needs. I’m sure one of these days we’ll hear of a wedding between someone and a phone. We love our phones so much and pay so much attention to it, ignoring our partners intentionally and unintentionally. Someone said her husband does not even have conversations with her but can be on his phone for hours talking to other people. I am a number one culprit and am trying to work more on my laptop so I’m on my phone less. At least being on the laptop seem a bit more like you are doing something important than being on your phone. But in all I’m making a conscious effort to reduce my screen time.
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves”.
Comparing your partner to another person or your marriage to another is very unfair and unfortunate. No human being is perfect and so no marriage is perfect but if you decide to focus on the negatives, you can even find enough reason to leave. If you decide to focus on the good however, the bad will diminish. After all, you are not perfect either.
2 Corinthians 10:12b
“But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding”.
Showing disinterest in sex especially the wife, however when the man shows disinterest in sex (which is not too often), it affects the woman more psychologically than vice versa.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”.
Sweeping issues under the carpet – for some issues after the heat has died down and reconciliation has occurred especially under the sheets, there might not be a need to bring it up again. However other times due to words which were used and things a partner did not really mean but said out of anger, it is important that you talk about it, own your parts and apologize properly so that none of you will harbor anything in their heart.
1 Corinthians 13:6
“(Love) does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth”.
Not praying together-As simple as this might seem, your individual preferences and quite time styles can come in the way of the two of you coming together to kill ten thousand as the bible says. And this creates room for issues to escalate.
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor”.
From things I have seen, heard and experienced, I know that the power to unmake your vows is in your own hands and no one can take that from you unless you allow them to. The next time you attend a wedding and the couple try to make you feel responsible for their ‘asunder’, just send them a link to this post!